Reflections on 2016

The year 2016 falls into two categories – there was pre- my brother’s car accident and post – accident. Not only is this how all of us began to think during this time but I feel it was the accident that seemed to be the catalyst for all the changes that transpired later.

Pre-accident

I had kicked off the year with a weekend of hiking with one of my brothers. It was the absolute perfect way for me to start the year and I remember being so excited for a fresh new year and all my plans and ambitions. Sure enough, in between travel for work and travel for leisure to connect with family and friends everything was off on the right foot. In fact, I was only home maybe 3 weekends the first 3 months of the year. I was busy and I was traveling. My life is happiest like that.

A year prior in 2015 I had decided that I needed to start doing more toward my goal of doing work with the people of the Middle East and thought that perhaps I should start trying to teach myself Arabic. I had always said that someday I would start learning foreign languages, but I had been too busy with my career and that someday had just never come.

I remember watching some videos on Youtube and being overwhelmed with the concept of trying to read and write the language. It seemed an impossible task. I won’t learn that, I decided. Instead, I tried to memorize basic phrases through listening to the audio, which proved a very difficult task for a visual learner. My efforts only survived a short couple of weeks before my ambitions were completely derailed by my personal life and a distracting new love interest.

Now here it was January 2016 and I was reflecting on this sidelined Arabic language learning attempt and my failed relationship attempts in 2015. What was I supposed to be doing in 2015 that I didn’t do? What if I had really let things sidetrack me from my true purpose? If my heart has been to serve the people from this part of the world, I should do more than just donate money from afar to organizations doing work there. If I got involved with any organization, I wanted to be able to connect with the people, even on a very elementary level. I felt an urgency in my heart like never before. Now was the time! I was going to figure out how to balance learning a new language along with the demands of my job. I found and signed up for a beginner’s course being offered in DC.

I quickly learned about how very little I knew about the Arabic language. Before class began, I had no concept that what they teach in the US is the formal Arabic and is not actually spoken anywhere (except maybe in government jobs and at the UN) and that you must learn a dialect if you really want to connect with the common man on the street. And there are many, many different dialects to choose from based on where you would be. I had no idea that it was so complicated! I had always envisioned learning one language that got you around throughout a large chunk of the world (besides English).

Surprisingly, it was the reading and writing that I quickly picked up this time around, what I had told myself looked impossible before. The speaking and pronunciation takes much longer to master. My classes moved at a snail’s pace, usually because most of the class was not doing their homework or seemingly even attempting to do their homework. The teachers were often iffy, either taking a laissez faire attitude due to the student’s lack of participation or else one seemed to yell at us in frustration if we didn’t get something right away (that may be the Arabic way, to be honest, as I had that problem in Beirut too). I found that I was having to self teach and because I was taking it seriously, it was quickly becoming a very time consuming thing. Once I started, I had to put a break on most of my social plans because I had to study for my class. I decided I was OK with this, deeming my Arabic commitment more important than a focus on my social life. How uncannily perspicacious this turned out to be.

Exercising a different part of my mind was having some dreadful consequences. Late night studying was giving me feverish dreams with vocabulary words scrolling like spreadsheets through my mind. I was spending my free time completely engrossed in trying to memorize vocabulary words – whether it was putting my makeup on, driving in a car or on a plane. I would be so engrossed that I would lose track of the time and almost be late for the airport, almost get in a car accident on several occasions. I spilled my green smoothie over my car, forgot my luggage on the plane (though quickly remembered), forgot my luggage at the baggage claim (though quickly remembered) and other uncharacteristically absent minded things that made me feel like my brain was simply fusing out. It didn’t appreciate the information overload of a new language in addition to my many hotel properties and work responsibilities. How was I ever going to learn a new language and become functional in it?

I quickly came to two conclusions. 1). I needed to learn a dialect and this wouldn’t happen in the States. 2). I needed to immerse myself in learning and remove other intense distractions. I had come to these two conclusions but I had no idea how to make either of these things happen. I honestly didn’t even try to figure it out. I figured I would continue down my chosen path with the once per week lessons and I figured that everything would sort itself out in time. It always has in my life. I would know the next steps at the right time.

Post-Accident

The car accident happened in the middle of March. It is one of those days that will be forever seared into me and my family’s minds. I remember every second of that day, from the text with the terrible news to calling my dad from the back of a plane about to taxi down the runway. My brother was alive but with some serious injuries. The next few weeks and months were filled with travel to Ohio, travel to my grandmother’s funeral in Indiana and then travel down to Richmond to spend with my brother in the hospital and then with him home as he recuperated.

My brother, Jordan, is the kindest, most loving, gracious and giving guy you will ever meet. He was driving to Indiana from Virginia to spend his spring break visiting my dying grandmother and comfort my grandfather. He is a premed student who is a volunteer EMT in his free time. He was following all the rules of the road, as he never speeds or drives recklessly. Seriously! Except for maybe when necessity deems it because of driving the ambulance.

The accident was entirely the fault of the other driver who was passing multiple vehicles including a semi while crossing a solid line on a very dangerous country road. As the cars hit on a slight curve, neither of them would have seen the other until it was too late. Jordan may have had a millisecond to respond and shifted the car ever so slightly as it was his side of the car that received the full brunt of the impact.

There is no question that my brother lives his life to the fullest and as beautifully as it should be lived with a primary focus on loving, helping and serving people. So much in our life is out of our control and isn’t meted out as we regard is fair or as we believe we or others deserve. Indeed, sometimes it is the most loving and beautiful souls that seem to suffer and endure the most. The truth is that we try to live safely and responsibly and control our future and yet can still get in an accident or get an incurable illness. We really aren’t that in control!

Morbid I know, but we don’t know the length of our life and we shouldn’t take our days for granted while thinking that we know the future and will still have tomorrow to do all the things worthwhile that we want to do – work less and spend more time with family, serve others more. Most of us want to make a difference in this world that others are going to remember long past when we are gone. We want it to be beyond, “she worked hard,” or “she sure knew how to make the company money.” Who, if having the privilege to reflect on life on our death bed is going to say, “I wish I had worked more.”

If we know that there is more to life than what we have been doing but are still not doing it, what are we waiting for? Tomorrow is not promised! I felt a growing urgency in my heart to find a way to do something, to pursue this desire in my heart that I had held for ages.

Then my friend told me that she was going to be studying the Lebanese dialect in Beirut in the fall. Was this really it? The moment that I had been waiting to reveal itself? Was it time to take the plunge and leave the business world for a period of time and for a bigger purpose?

As I pondered on what I should do, I had a flashback to the year 2002 and the memory was as crystal clear as if it were only yesterday. I could even remember what I was wearing that day (a long jean skirt, I mean who wears long jean skirts? I was such a little geek). “One day I am going to have to choose between my career and my desire for missions work.” I had remarked to my Sales Manager. I was a brand new GM of the hotel when I had made this statement but had already made some dangerous trips to a communist country to serve the persecuted Christians of the country. “How do you know?” She asked me. “I just know. I feel it in my bones.” I told her. “And I am going to choose missions over career.”

Now, my ultimate goal is to  find a way to merge business and missions together. I want to help people help people and be able to support themselves at the same time. I must say that I strongly believe in my career path and the incredible opportunities that I have had along the way. It has been an amazing journey and the right journey for me. So much so that I had never thought about that statement that I had uttered so long ago until I came to this crossroad. It is really the first time that such a clear crossroad had been put in front of me and a period of time that saying yes was as equally hard as saying no. I was comfortable, but at the same time I yearned to do more.

True to the statement I had made 14 years before, I made the choice to head to Beirut believing that God would open up doors of ministry to serve, love and make a difference in others lives. I don’t know how long or anything that 2017 may bring. I know that it won’t be easy – nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Yet, I have faith that it will be amazing and that I will see and experience amazing things. I will be sowing seeds into the Kingdom, actions of an eternal purpose and worth.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33